-_- MaNy ThInGs _-_

Ok , let's start from the beginning....


I HATE MY JOB!!
(or better , i hate what i'm doing now!!)


I'm a fashion stylist, i love to dress, hairdos' and makeup!!!!! I could be a really good store manager in case...


but I AM NOT a sale assistant, and i hate to be treated like shit everytime.... and not from people, but from my very close colleagues!!! everything i do is wrong, everything i say is stupid... everything, everytime....
I'm so sick of this, i can't handle it anymore.....


My doctor gave me Paroxetina last week..... now i'm even more intractable than before....
so i took some days off my job... told them i have my pressure too low to stand up... now the only thing i have to do is relax as much as i can do and wait for the doctors' home visit to arrive.... that could come from 10am to 12pm and from 5pm to 7pm...everyday, till saturday.....


so here i am, still wearing my pyjamas, waiting for midday so i can go out with my dog at the park....
a good book, a bench and the sun....yeah, i love this life!!!!


My bestfriend came monday to visit me....she lives in Bologna, so we cant see each other very much.... she just left...  i enjoyed this 3 days with her so much!!! we laughed and talked for hours!!! i love her deeply!!!


I just finished my 3 days fast.... even with my friend over, i could manage it really well!!!
from monday to yesterday i ate nothing, only drunk coffees, teas, some juice, a glass of wine and a caipiroska.... (yeah i know but with her everything should be take with booze!!)


But today i did so bad..... as soon as she left i ate COOKIES!!!!! damn damn damn!!!!!!!!!
i purged everything as soon as i finished swallowing down the last disgusting cookie!!!!
i hate me when i do something like this!!!!! i did so well, today was supposed to be a veggie day, i had everything ready for an healty lunch and a even healtier dinner.....
WHY AM I SO BAD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHY SOULD I BINGE EVERYTIME I FINISH A FAST?!?!?!?!?!?!? 
i hate this feeling, i hate it...... once was so easy to fast, and fast ans fast again...... now it seems impossible sometimes.... so hard... i always give up.... i'm never good for this... never never never....


another thing is that me and her thought about immigrate in another country... i have some relatives is AU so we choose that!!! we'd like to open an activity there, such as a shop or something....
i could teach Italian in some schools and her could teach dance in some gym classes.... we can do lots of things, and we're not scared about starting from the bottom.... 
the only problem in this "dream" is my boyfriend... he's a photographer, or better, he would like to be one.... don't take me wrong, he's really good at it, his works are spectacular... but here in Italy is so difficult to work in the Arts' Industries, and he's so afraid he will be left behind.... i really hope he will join me...